Read It And Weep.

Some weeks aren’t yours. This week definitely wasn’t mine.

Everything I attempted to make this week a good one completely backfired and blew up in my face. Some weeks just make you want to throw in the towel and tell life “You know what? You win.”

It’s not like this week was all bad, it actually started off on a high note. I made some necessary adult moves and life changes for the better. This week portrayed itself in the beginning as one that wasn’t any different from the rest – just me trying to be the best human I can be, one day at a time.

Then Wednesday hit. Not even halfway through my day I ended up crying in my car from an anxiety attack on a fifteen minute break at work. How does one crumble into pieces and put themselves back together to face people within fifteen minutes?

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Thursday passed as normal. I was productive and spent the day doing what I enjoy. It was the atonement I needed from the day before taking a toll on my emotions. Then Friday came. I wanted so badly for the week to end on a high note. I say this often, but life found a way once again. Friday was not good.

My anxiety this week and what caused it stemmed from one thing – people. At times, we get so caught up in trying our best to improve ourselves that we get attached to the idea that we need to improve who we are for others more than we do for ourselves. Or at least I did.

The fact of the matter is that I ended up crying at work twice and it all stemmed from the way I reacted to the people around me.

As much as this week has taken down my emotions, I’ll take what it taught me with a stride. I’ve learned two vital lessons this week through the trials it gave me:

1. People suck.

2. Sometimes you need to see the bad to see the truth.

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Let’s get down to the details.

#1: People Suck.

Not all of them. However, there are spackles of people that lack the best of intentions. What makes it even worse is when you constantly give them the benefit of the doubt and make excuses for their behavior, even though they’ve burned you in the past. It’s hard to see people for who they are. Despite the obvious, we’ll find all the reason to flip their behaviors to see them as a good person. Call it as it is. If it’s a fish, it’s a fish. If it’s a duck, it’s a duck. If someone is not a good person, then they’re not a good person. There is no reason to keep up appearances. Put that energy towards keeping up friendships that matter.

#2: Sometimes You Need To See The Bad To See The Truth.

All my life, the one consistent issue I’ve had is looking at people and life through rose tinted glasses. After freaking out and having my second anxiety attack this week at work, I was on the phone with one of my best friends Jackie and she made a valid point:

Yes.  This week sucked. The bad side of the universe won against you this week. You know what doesn’t suck though? Your life.

Outside of this week, my life is wonderful. I feel fully connected to who I am, excited and determined about my future, and most importantly – I get shit done. Life is beyond great right now, it’s shaping up to be the most beautiful time of my life I’ve experienced.

I’m a good person. I’m also too forgiving of a person and that has always been my downfall. I’ve always been told that a forgiving heart is one that is hard to achieve, but even then we can explore our limits with forgiveness. Sometimes being too forgiving allows us to let people walk all over our hearts and make them rotten.

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I will not let my soul get tattered by the soiled steps of those with unkind intentions. I’ve learned this week to seriously take this advice to heart:

  • Don’t tell people that something is okay when it’s not.
  • Don’t try to frame a person in a positive light if all the signs point to them being otherwise. Let them be who they want to be and they can deal with their own life and consequences. Don’t you dare deal with them and clear their conscience for them.
  • With friendships it’s about quality, not quantity.

When it comes to the friendships that you’ve kept for a long time, take a deep look into why you’ve had them. Do you just stay around because the relationship you’ve had with this person has been around for a while?

Don’t be fooled by the fallacy of time. If you see that your friendship only exists for one thing and there is no building up of each other to be better, chances are it’s not a friendship. It’s a one sided situation and guess what? You’re being taken advantage of.

Growing up, I learned the hard way about the quality of friendships over quantity and some people really aren’t worth it. Realizing this is an important part of growing up. I’m sick and tired of opening up to others and giving so much to them only for them to just take and never give back.

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It’s not selfish to say that you’re allowed to feel like you’re not receiving anything in a friendship. If the person you called a friend cared, they would respect your feelings and think beyond their shrewd and self-serving gratifications. Another thing, friendships aren’t about keeping up appearances. Don’t play nice to my face and then shun me behind my back.

Yes, this week definitely sucked, but I’m taking it in as a lesson. I need to be honest with myself and stop looking at people in a better light than they deserve.

People suck and I can’t control that. I can make sure that the environment I’m in is filled with people who are honest and genuinely good and that are pure with their intentions. It’s the least I can do for myself and for my happiness.

If you think this was written for you, it probably was.

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